My Mother taught Me

I got this in an E-mail from my friend Mary:

My Mother Taught Me

• 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'

• 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

• '3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week.

• '4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 'Because I said so, that's why.

• '5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.'

• 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.

• '7. My mother taught me IRONY. 'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.

• '8. My mother taught me OSMOSIS. 'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.

• '9. My mother taught me CONTORTION ISM. 'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck.

• '10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.

• '11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

• 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate.

• '13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.

• '14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 'Stop acting like your father.

• '15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 'There are millions of less fortunate children in his world who don't have wonderful parents like you do.

• '16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 'Just wait until we get home.

• '17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 'You are going to get it when you get home.

• '18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.

• '19. My mother taught me ESP. 'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?

• '20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.

• '21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.

• '22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 'You're just like your father.

• '23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?

• '24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

• '25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. 'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.'